There are very few things in this world that truly annoy me. O.k., there are plenty, however most of them seem to hit midday when I am too busy to notice them. However, it’s those few, those brave, foolish few, that hit before I’ve had my coffee that truly cheese me off.
The Short List
1. Being Misquoted – This one simple thing can push my buttons faster than any other. Being the well-known mediator for friends and family, there is NOTHING I despise more than being misquoted. Whether it is a couple who’ve asked for advice and fling the wrong things at each other after the fact, or someone stating I’ve made a comment that I simply have not made; this type of situation is the worst possible occurrence before I’ve had my coffee. It brings forth my inner RAWR! like no other action can do.
2. Perky Morning People – I love my children, truly I do. Why? It’s simple. They have the ability to be those calm, non-stress inducing beings in the morning who do not ruffle the feathers of those who are not-so-cheery in the morning. Perky morning people, if encountered before that first cup of Instant Human, drive me to bite, snap, and generally show those vampyric “Eww sunlight!” features that I try so very hard to hide. For the love of all that is caffeinated, give me til noon you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed do gooders!
3. Construction Work – There is a solid understanding between myself and the local city workers in my town. You simply do NOT show up on or near my property before at least 10 a.m. and start jack hammering, drilling, or otherwise causing a ruckus. So when the oh-so-lovely road construction began on the highway next to our town, the newbies learned quickly WHY those city workers were laughing at them one morning.
Headed down the street towards my home with their tree trimming equipment, jack hammers, road graders, and other sorts of noise bearing equipment, they must have thought they were being ridiculed for the early hours they kept. They soon found that this was not the case.
I suppose I really shouldn’t have threatened to set the dog loose on them (she’s not truly vicious, but she barks a LOT and jerks the end of her chain, so she sure looks mean!); and it really wasn’t very nice of me when I dumped an entire truck load of topsoil on top of the line they were supposed to dig up the next day (they had to leave when the village hall notified them they hadn’t filed all of their paperwork… oops!). However, I did offer a peace offering on the their third attempt to complete their work.
Having a kitchen full of workers drinking coffee is much more pleasant at 7 a.m. than listening to their equipment, though I may be the guilty party responsible for their projects in town taking FAR more than the two weeks they had planned (I call it protecting the sanity and sleep of our townsfolk, others call it meddling).
4. Chasing the dog – I love that mutt to bits and pieces in spite of her neurotic behavior, but bailing out the door at stupid o’clock, forcing me to chase her with a nearly three year old toddler on my hip is simply NOT acceptable before I’ve even had the chance to SMELL my coffee brewing. Bad dog, bad bad dog. Bear in mind, this is the same dog whose doghouse is constructed as follows:
- Real shingles on a solid roof inset with concrete to keep in in place during storms
- Real walls which are insulated with proper rolled house insulation
- The rubber protective bed mat from my own truck underneath the dog house to ensure a dry night’s sleep
- two of my own fuzzy blankets with silk edging for those chilly nights
- An interior light (yes a real one, with wiring to the garage) to ensure she can see her path to the doghouse
- Two winter horse blankets dedicated to those truly cold winter nights if needed (shush, I realize she has fur)
5. Vehicle Problems – Although I love my truck… I do NOT love waking up to find that I have to WORK on my truck. Thus I have learned to avoid leaving the house for any reason before I’ve had coffee. This saves me the trouble of blurting several inappropriate words and phrases the entire length of the walkway back to the house. It also saves my neighbors undue stress, considering the last time I chose to work on my truck at an ungodly hour, I did so in my pajamas. Apparently pajama shorts and a camisole are not the appropriate uniform for early morning mechanic work. Go figure.
I’m sure most of you can relate to the annoyance of each of these instances. Imagine your annoyance, then add in a lack of caffeine, lack of morning humor of ANY kind, and drop in a good dose of moody hermitism (shush, I know that is not a real word). I swear, some days the phrase “Good morning” should be banned.
And how did my morning go today? Truck problems, an overly cheerful neighbor, and two family members who felt the need to call me at o-dark thirty to complain about what someone else said. All before the oh-so-frapsing lovely hour of 9 a.m., yay me! I hope to high heaven that the rest of your days go better than mine started out. If not, then I promise to help you find places to bury the bodies.